It's been quite a while since my last post, and many interesting events have transpired, some of which I would like to tell you about. I stopped blogging because it was taking up too much time. Then I realized that I was making too big a deal of it. I don't have to edit and re-edit my words before I put it up on here because that just detracts from the whole point of blogging, which is to send out quick soundbites of your thoughts into cyberspace for all to enjoy. So here's a quick update of what's been happening in my life.
I was contemplating applying to med school for a while now, and have been trying to make up my mind about it. Unlike a normal person who would make the decision whether to pursue medicine or not before jumping in and doing prerequisite classes, I chose to act as if I have made the decision already. The truth is that I need to actually take time and pray about it, for reals. Anyway, I've been doing prerequisite classes (mostly chemistry and physics) and fitting in work wherever possible to both fund my studies and act as a decent reference for med. However, I've been feeling pretty burned out recently. I've been doing the same dead-end project at work for a year, praying that things would just turn around, and dealing with a boss who is marginally interested at best and condescending/ unpredictable at worst. All these factors combined with the difficulty of organic chemistry have been driving me over the edge, and I felt myself returning to old bad habits (snappiness, gossip, moodiness, negativity), something I did not want to do. Then 2 weeks ago my pastor at church was preaching about how we sometimes get stuck in a roundabout in life and just keep going in circles not knowing which exit to take. That described me perfectly. I felt like I was stuck doing the same old thing, and that God wasn't showing me which exit to take. But really, I wasn't spending enough time asking him the questions (how can he answer without me asking? d'oh!). Anyway I had a good complaining whiny session with God yesterday, and aired all my grievances. He's been so good to me and so faithful time and time again. And yet again he showed me how he comes to my rescue when I'm least expecting it, and blows me away with grace. I just have a really good feeling about my midterm and things now because I feel like I understand some concepts a bit better. I was also praying about improving my social skills when it comes to the opposite sex, and today this guy asked me out so let's see where that leads. I'm really shy when it comes to guys I like, and I know I put off guys that are interested in me because I act all weird around them. I don't think this guy is anywhere close to being the one for me, but I feel like it's a chance to get to know someone I wouldn't normally interact with and get better at dating.
Anyway that's where life stands now. Things are looking bright. I feel like I'm learning a lot and the road is the destination, or whatever that saying is supposed to be. God is good...no, he's great!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jer 29:11 (NIV)
Growing Pains
Sunday, April 3, 2011
In my life group at church last week we talked about prayer and how we must continually confess sins in our life and repent before we can resume a right relationship with God. We figured that if we left it for too long we tend to sink into a bout of depression from guilt, or ignore the sin altogether thinking we’re cool with God. I realized that I tend to completely skip this confessional on most days. Sure, I have a quick chat with God in the morning before rushing to work, or send a desperate plea his way when my experiments aren’t working, but I don’t have regular sessions of “detox” where I confess all my sins and ask him for help. When I used to live in England I partied a lot. But the summer I really started to get to know him I realized that the lifestyle I was living had nothing to offer me, it was only a quick fix and that I was very much still broken inside. I don’t believe that drinking a glass of wine or a bit of alcohol at a party is wrong, but because I was used to overdrinking previously I didn’t know how to control what I drank. I always started out with the best of intentions, to only drink a little, but one glass quickly became three, and being a lightweight when it came to alcohol, I was quickly at that stage of drunkenness. I struggled with confessing this sin to God for months being too ashamed and at other times too proud.
In Exodus 32:10 God plans to punish the Isrealites for their idolatry and says to Moses “Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation.” Even though it’s sweet how God still plans to make them into a great nation despite his anger at them, I can’t help but think that God was different in those days. He seems more vengeful and less “easy-going.” But I think this is a trap that at least I tend to fall into very quickly: to think that God lets our sins just slide because we’re saved. God loves us and we’re under the new covenant, but he is still the same God he always was. Just like you gain a deeper understanding about a person you love through their actions, we have to seek God through his characteristics. He is a jealous God that yearns for us to spend time with him and rely on him. He designed us with those needs. He also punishes. It’s hard to hear, and kind of harsh, but it’s reality. He punishes because he doesn’t want to support or condone sin. If he passively maintains a relationship with us despite sin in some area of our lives, he’s condoning it. Is he blesses us while we’re sinning he’s supporting it. If he doesn’t discipline us, he’s not correcting it. So we can see why Godly discipline is a necessary part of our “growing pains.” Right now I think I’m in my spiritual adolescence: rebellious, confused and constantly worried about what my peers would think about my faith. God’s calling me to step forward to the next level. He’s so good and loving beyond all understanding, that it’s a bit of a shock when we get disciplined. But any loving father, he does it for our good , so that we realize that something needs correcting in our lives.
As I start the 23rd year of my life (feel so old!), I hear God saying to me that I wasted enough time. He wants me to catch up to my physical age in spiritual years. I can’t stay a baby teen christian forever. Sin has to be continually swept out of my life in order for my growing-up to happen because, like 1 John 5 says:
“God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we life and do not live by the truth”
As I start the 23rd year of my life (feel so old!), I hear God saying to me that I wasted enough time. He wants me to catch up to my physical age in spiritual years. I can’t stay a baby teen christian forever. Sin has to be continually swept out of my life in order for my growing-up to happen because, like 1 John 5 says:
“God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we life and do not live by the truth”
The Planted Tree
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Just now, firmly tucked in between freshly washed sheets, I read Psalms 1. Feel like it's a major call for perseverance. Today was the kind of day where I rushed about here and there like a headless chicken, yet seemingly managed to accomplish nothing. Sure, I read a chapter of physics (ray optics is such a dud. Physicists really think we're complete fools don't they? Can't even decide whether light is a particle or a wave...), spent approximately $142 on random items including the new jennifer aniston perfume, watched 3 episodes of top gear, played a game of pool where I managed to sink in a grand total of 1 ball, and stared myself down in the mirror. All of these were done in desperate attempts to avoid studying for an exam and writing a journal abstract due in a few days. I play around with time like I'm a gas in a vacuum, slowly diffusing and taking up whatever space is available to me. I manage to take hours to do simple task such as replying to emails. Efficiency is definitely not the name of my game and sometimes I feel like just throwing in the towel and admitting defeat saying “God, the world just spins too fast for me!”. But what Psalms 1 reminded me of was that I totally am a tree planted by a stream.
"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season." Psalms 1:3
There is a time and season for everything. You study some years, play around in others, work hard the next few, enter a difficult slump, soar through some months, and huff and puff through the rest. Productivity is a must in a today's uber competitive world, and procrastination is never a good thing, but there is no need to give up thinking we just can’t keep up. As long as we're by a stream, we're planted right, we got everything we need to yield fruit, at our own pace. The difference the bible points out is that if we're not by a stream, where do we get our sustenance from? how do we grow? It's harder when we don't have God to rely on (I know because I wasn't always such bff's with him) because all other human relationships are ultimately built to not last, whether we part by choice or by death. Your boyfriend is there for 3 years and 2 months, and then you break up. Your mom is the best, but you're separated from each other by the entire breadth of Canada and she can't really see that pain in your eyes when everything in your life is just wrong. God's always there, and nobody sees our pain better than he does, not even us. He gives us laws as guidelines, to lovingly steer us away from temptations and distractions. So go on, be a planted tree, be a stream for somebody, you can even be the leaf that does not wither, and take up however much time or space you need, because with God, you are guaranteed to prosper. Ahh...so good!
"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season." Psalms 1:3
There is a time and season for everything. You study some years, play around in others, work hard the next few, enter a difficult slump, soar through some months, and huff and puff through the rest. Productivity is a must in a today's uber competitive world, and procrastination is never a good thing, but there is no need to give up thinking we just can’t keep up. As long as we're by a stream, we're planted right, we got everything we need to yield fruit, at our own pace. The difference the bible points out is that if we're not by a stream, where do we get our sustenance from? how do we grow? It's harder when we don't have God to rely on (I know because I wasn't always such bff's with him) because all other human relationships are ultimately built to not last, whether we part by choice or by death. Your boyfriend is there for 3 years and 2 months, and then you break up. Your mom is the best, but you're separated from each other by the entire breadth of Canada and she can't really see that pain in your eyes when everything in your life is just wrong. God's always there, and nobody sees our pain better than he does, not even us. He gives us laws as guidelines, to lovingly steer us away from temptations and distractions. So go on, be a planted tree, be a stream for somebody, you can even be the leaf that does not wither, and take up however much time or space you need, because with God, you are guaranteed to prosper. Ahh...so good!
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About Me
- Sarah
- Someone trying hard to navigate through the 20-something years without getting major burn trauma
